Soul Stretch

“Reach for the moon, because if you don't make it you'll land among the stars.” Joaquin Miller

psyche: the physical forces in an individual that influece thought, behavior and personality. (comprised of three seperate parts, ID-It, EGO-I, Super EGO-Upper-I)

spirit: literal meaning is breath. the non-physcial part of a being including consciousness and mind. (consciousness = awareness of the executive processes of the mind, mind=thought, perception, will, imagination,memory)

soul: the immaterial or eternal part of a being. (can subsist without the body)


Does anyone understand the difference between psyche, soul and spirit? If you do could you please explain them to me?

It seems to me that often people use these three terms synonymously. Even I am guilty of chunking them into one "body"...no pun intended! But for the sake of todays blog I will just talk about the soul as I have defined it above.

This has been a tough week as compared to last week (which was a good week). I haven't felt well all week! Withdrawing into myself is rarely a good idea! I get lost in some swirling black hole of dysfunctional thinking which in turn leads me to feel even worse! But I have tried to stick with my committment to blog about my daily meditative journey so no matter that I am whiney, grumpy, and look like death warmed over...I am trying to blog for the sake of sharing! Plus, blogging like journaling helps one keep track of their moods and dispositions and can serve a great function in helping one improve habits or change tactics that no longer serve.

Todays meditative journey was different than any I've done all year. I did a guided meditation with a CD by Caroline Reynolds (http://www.carolinereynolds.com/
aboutCaroline.htm). I meet her several years when I was spiraling into the abyss of chaos inside myself - better known as addiction! Long story...for another year perhaps! Her teachings and principles were very instrumental in my starting this blog and her meditative techniques helped me when no one or nothing could reach my conscious awareness.

The journey I took today was called Soul Stretch. She guides you through your 12 chakras out into the vast expanse of the universe. It's supposed to help you receive a life force transfusion. And you know what, it worked. It worked because I simply layed on my mediation room floor for 30 mintues and went on the most amazing journey up through my physical body and out in the galaxy. I felt expanded, renewed, energetic, competent, and satisfied! So how did I get to outerspace? No, not astral projection, although I've done that - I think, we'll discuss that another day!

My soul stretched! I expanded in consciousness...in awareness. It gave me peace.
Today my journey to character development is not a breeze but it's fun and rewarding even in the most strenuous of times. On my worst day today...I go into a dark hole and call a friend for help...or I isolate in the house and talk to God...or I meditate to a wonderful vibrational level Guided meditation.

IT WORKS!!!

SOUGHT THROUGH PRAYER AND MEDITATION

Is prayer meditation? Where prayer and meditation meet...

"True prayer means not solicitation but communion. Prayer is communion in the same sense as that in true meditation there is neither a meditator nor anything meditated upon.” Ramesh Balsekar

What is prayer? Prayer is conversation with God; the intercourse of the soul with God, not in contemplation or meditation, but in direct address to the Universe. Prayer may be oral or mental, occasional or constant. Prayer presupposes a belief in the personality of God, its ability and willingness to communicate with us, his/her personal control of all things, and of all his/her creatures and all their actions.

What is meditation? Meditation is a mental discipline by which the practitioner attempts to get beyond the reflexive, "thinking" mind into a deeper state of relaxation or awareness. Meditation is a component of many religions, and has been practiced since antiquity. It is also practiced outside religious traditions. Different meditative disciplines encompass a wide range of spiritual or psycho physical practices that may emphasize different goals—from achievement of a higher state of consciousness, to greater focus, creativity or self-awareness, or simply a more relaxed and peaceful frame of mind.

Today again, I struggled with malaise...hm, source? I have a slight cold. YUK! Instead of giving in to old behavior which included at least me hiding away in a dark hole until I experienced enough agony to admit defeat, I did a Kriya for "Seven Steps to Better Health". However, I began my day with prayer.

Some of you keep asking me what I mean by prayer so I have given a "rote" definition above. Simply put prayer is when I open my mind and heart to the universe to lay out my pains, joys, struggles and ask only for guidance to be the best me I can be. I learned a long time ago not to ask for specifics! Unfortunately I am no omniscient and can not see the pitfalls of my own desires. Today, I am grateful to have that massive responsiblity on the shoulders of the vast expanise universe that I choose to be a part of!

Recently there have been new developments not only in my meditative journey, but also in my prayer life. What's changed? Whew, thanks for asking! I prayer and during my prayer, questions are being asked of me. "What can I do differently today than yesterday? Have I done my best? Do I speak with a forked tongue?" Huh, could you repeat the last one! "Do you speak with a forked tongue?" Now, I don't know about you but my immediate response was like - NO! But you no me well enough by now, to know, that I had to google this topic. But only after I meditated.

Mediation went smoothly, I walked through the valley and there were snakes all over the path, but I was not afraid. I was kind of even a little sassy in my step. Maybe a little of that came from watching old videos of my last "runway" walk! Bitter sweet to say the least but I am digressing! I walked down the path past the baskets kind of sensing my way - I think I was looking for dangerous animals to be lurking behind trees. Funny because the think I am most afraid of is the stupid snakes I was walking past! They just slithered away! Ohh. So you guessed it, I wanted to sit on the Mountain top again! So I had to scale the mountain. My hand were burning and bleeding by the time I got to the top! But Lagan came and climbed beside me. On the way up I saw lizards and kimono dragons hissing from the dark crevices, but I kept climbing! Ahh, the peak, the sensate as I visually explored the vast expanse in the Valley! Lagan said, see your world through your heart! I was like, um - coudl you give me a hint how to do that? He said, "you already know." ARGGHH...! I began to look over the now populated valley beneath us. Images of people in my life past, present and future flashed through my minds eye, I began to feel them with my heart - "she's afraid, he's afraid, she is full of love, he is scarred." This went on for what seemed like days (but it wasn't cause I only meditated 30 minutes!), it was amazing. I thought I had to use my eyesight and intuition to read people...but apparently I need to use my heart! Wow, I can't wait to practice that. My friend says Walmart is a good place - maybe I'll go there next!

Now, back to the forked tongue! Do I say one thing and mean another? Um...guilty! I often say what I think people want to hear - people seem so easily offended. Perhaps the best thing to do is say nothing at all? I do not have the answer here!
Only more questions...do I say nothing? Do I say something nice? Do I stand firm on the ground in the Valley of My Own Soul?

answers will come...

Questions...

One who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; one who does not ask a question remains a fool forever. (Chinese Proverb)

Today I got back on track with my meditation. The weekend and my general malaise is due to simple seasonal allergies. Some days I can ignore them and at other times, I ignore me. You laugh...how can someone ignore themselves? It isn't very difficult for me to ignore my feelings - I just throw myself into some mind numbing action and before I realize it, I am sicker than when I began! I did not ignore myself today.

This morning I awakened with the sun, relaxed in the hot tub, prayed, did a warm up, a Kriya for Subtle Knowing and then meditated. Nothing unusual happened during prayer - no questions were asked of me. My Kriya seemed successful in that I accomplished it to a point of personal satisfaction. My meditation? Ahhh...

Fabulous! The energy ran through my body as my Kundalini energy awakened. I walked in the valley with Lagan and he stayed with me as I scaled yesterdays cliff. I consciously was aware of the symbolism of reaching higher peaks but I didn't fathom that the subconscious work could come in so handy! The most amazing thing happened as I reached from one knot in the rope to the other, I wanted to give up! What's the point? It's just a meditative journey - right?

I did not give up it is not in my nature to give up. I reached the peak and sat on the side of the mountain admiring the vast expanse of the valley of my soul. Green verdant lands with water flowing, flowers peeking up through fertile soil and a path with many baskets of virtues to be explored. One question after another popped into my monkey mind. Literally a hundred questions arose from my subconscious and floated out into the valley below. As my spirit lightened, Lagan said it was time
for me to soar. Say What? But remember how scared I was to dive in the water and when I did nothing happened. That was building trust. So with his encouragement - I pushed off the side of the mountain.

At first I thought this is silly, I can't fly - surely I'll just land in the valley, broken and scarred. But, that's not what happened. I did a free fall for several stories and then I realized that I had wings! I flapped my wings - caught air and soared through the sky! Just as I did...I heard birds outside my meditation room window! It was pure heaven! In the valley of my soul I have found freedom!

Peace and blessings!

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

deleted lyrics from: SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW!

When all the world is a hopeless jumble
And the raindrops tumble all around,
Heaven opens a magic lane
When all the clouds darken up the skyway,
There's a rainbow highway to be found
Leading from your window pane
To a place behind the sun,
Just a step beyond the rain

Hope? Perhaps. I wasn't sure during my meditation this morning and I'm not sure now - exactly what the song "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" has to do with my life. I do recall at the first of January there was a rainbow in the far distance in the Valley of My Soul! Today, the rainbow was closer. In the bible a rainbow symbolizes a promise or faithfulness. In Greek Mythology it was a path between heaven and earth. I like that. I'm on a path between heaven and earth! It's called spirituality!

The color of my day is violet. Violet is your 7th chakra or crown chakra. It symbolizes pure consciousness or inner wisdom. Pure consciousness is defined as a silent state of inner wakefulness with no object of thought or perception.

This morning as I meditated my thoughts and feelings settled into a state of quietness. In this state, thought and memory vanished leaving only a perfectly simple wakefulness. It was bliss. This state is typically referred to as a mystical state! I've been here before. This is as close to Nirvana as I may ever get!

Albert Einstein says:

The most beautiful and most profound experience is the sensation of the mystical. It is the sower of all true science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead. To know that what is impenetrable to us really exists, manifesting itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty which our dull faculties can comprehend only in their primitive forms - this knowledge, this feeling is at the center of true religiousness.

Have you ever felt as though you were very close to a powerful, spiritual force that seemed to lift you out of yourself? I have on many occasions. The most recent being this morning. I was aware that I was part of this big vast universe. I was being held by a loving force as I breathed in and out the breath of my life in sync with the oceans tide. There has been a force with me my whole life. There's another fellowship that I belong to and we talk a lot about this power. In there we all ran from it because we wanted to do our will. We didn't like the plans the universe had for us so we butted our heads against the wall until we cried UNCLE! To date, I've surrendered twice now! With mini surrenders coming whenever I have enough pain induced by my ego!

Meditation is helping me to slow down. I am listening in a way that I never listened before. Today in the car I heard a whisper. The whisperer said, "a brain is like the cars engine, consciousness is the driver, but GOD is the vehicle!" hmmm Interesting! I also heard a repeat whisper...on the road at the same place I've heard it before! Makes you wonder about time/space phenomenon doesn't it?

So what was the biggest difference in my morning meditation? I had a true desire to reach a new level! For so many years I meditated just to stay sane, now I meditate to grow spiritually. In the past thirty days I can assure you one thing has definetly changed due to my meditative journey and that is the ability to truly listen! Not the kind of listening where I hear the words people are saying but the kind of listening where I hear where they are coming from - their heads or their hearts! In my minds eye I am seeing colors more vividly. The other thing that has happened is my intuition is kicking back in. I thought I had lost it because I self medicated for a few years while dealing with menopause and a mid life crisis! It's true freedom today to know that I have choices in life and I'm choosing good ones!!!

Lagan said I have to walk the path by myself for awhile. I'm afraid it's time for a new guide. When I was younger they changed a lot. And just when I was getting attached to them. It's be okay. I trust the process today!



Peace and blessings!

Vosotros sois la luz "You are the Light"

Root Chakra: Red in color, the grounding force that allows us to connect to the earth energies and empower our beings.

Vosotros sois la luz! Who me? A light, wanted a purpose, but that's not the one I really had in mind. Remember I'm pertinacious. Isn't that what someone called me yesterday? But to carry the light - really?

Yes I am still licking my wounded pride over being called pertinacious! But if I'm to believe in the meditative process, as I say I do, then there's "purpose" for every image, phrase, word and element involved in the process. An being pertinacious isn't always bad, there are no black and whites in my world today only shades of gray. Sometimes not taking no for an answer can be a good thing. Can't it? (hear the insecurity in my voice - I do not assume to know the answers today I can be just a wee bit humble as my way doesn't work!)

On this beautiful Sunday morning I awakened with the message "you have arrived at your station!" Now, I don't know about you but I totally did not appreciate this message! What do you mean I've arrived at my station? Does that mean this is all I'm ever going to see, do, feel , have,or believe? Ahhh, forgot one didn't I? Have I arrived at the station where my understanding stops? I hardly think so! I have pertinacity remember!

A high station in life is earned by the gallantry with which appalling experiences are survived with grace. by: Tennessee Williams

That's better. Give me a little grace I can handle anything if I do it with grace. Grace and a light! I'm ready! As I sat outside in the early morning light pondering the implication of having arrived at my station - a light came on in my head. (Yea,I know, it's about time!) Of course, the symbolism came first in the form of someone having installed a light in my dark hole (the one I fall in some days)a light bulb and pull chain. It even made a clicking noise when I pulled the imaginary chain in my head. Which means to me that I have a choice, either to live in the dark or turn on the light and that gives me enormous HOPE. I like that - a light in my dark hole of self absorption. Voila, what a genius idea, I wished I had thought of it myself! But the Spirit of the Universe has the master plans and I'm not allowed to peek for myself - only others!

Weeping while sitting outside in 20 degree weather onto the blanket of snow that lay at my feet was not a good idea though. At least not one I'd recommend. But for me today it was necessary. To shed tears for all I've loved and lost, for struggles and joy, for gratitude that today there is a light inside of me. As I was trying to stop the static noise that blocks my clarity a song popped into my head:

Borning Cry by: John Helgen

I was there to hear your borning cry,
I’ll be there when you are old.
I rejoiced the day you were baptized,
to see your life unfold.

I was there when you were but a child,
with a faith to suit you well;
In a blaze of light you wandered off
to find where demons dwell.

When you heard the wonder of the Word
I was there to cheer you on;
You were raised to praise the living Lord,
to whom you now belong.

If you find someone to share your time
and you join your hearts as one,
I’ll be there to make your verses rhyme
from dusk ’till rising sun.

In the middle ages of your life,
not too old, no longer young,
I’ll be there to guide you through the night,
complete what I’ve begun.

When the evening gently closes in,
and you shut your weary eyes,
I’ll be there as I have always been
with just one more surprise.

I was there to hear your borning cry,
I’ll be there when you are old.
I rejoiced the day you were baptized,
to see your life unfold.

It's beautiful - isn't it? And of course, this made me cry a little more. Especially this line - "I was there when you were but a child, with a faith to suit you well;In a blaze of light you wandered off to find where demons dwell." I've done that you know, it's the reason I meditate so I don't "wander off" again. Those demons are very appealing to me in an odd curious sense! The down side to my curiosity is that I have a fair amount of disrespect for others who are fascinated by the demons - so I entertain them alone. Alone in a room full of powerful demons is no place to be. They outnumber and overpower me until I remember to cry for help. The last time I did this - entertained the demons so to speak - it took 3 years of pain before I cried - "UNCLE"! You know, like what you said when you were younger and your big brother was beating you so badly that you had whelp marks on your neck and your hands were bleeding because he'd rubbed them into the carpeting and they were burned! I'd just yell UNCLE loud enough for Moma to hear and she'd make him stop. That's what I did when the demons got too bad, I remembered I didn't have to do it alone!

Okay, got off track but I was cold and had to come in the house to prepare for meditation. So I came in freshened my face and marched upstairs for an amazing meditative journey. This practice begins with prayer. It was suggested to me a number of years ago that I pray only for God's will as opposed to my own - because I abuse and misuse it when left to my own selfish devices. My prayers are addressed to Father God and Mother Earth or some variation of those images. Today I asked to be loving and giving, to be an open channel. The symbolism in channels for me is a channel runs in the middle, it picks up the reception clearly (like when the radio station is tuned in correctly there's good reception) in the channel I find the balance because I hear God's voice better.

What'd ya know -

FATHER GOD AND MOTHER EARTH ask me a question. Wow, really? I can't recall this ever happening. Chills ran from the top of my tingling head down my entire body and shot out the bottom of my feet. Here's what I heard: "If you could have only one thing in your life today that would give you all that you desire in your heart - what would that thing be?

Now, I don't know how you'd handle this but my mind began to click faster than the slot machines do when you hit jackpot! Turning, twisting, clicking, ticks, faster than the speed of sound - images with no three alike, perfect looks, lots of money, healthy well adjusted children, perfect relationships, material stuff (lots of that ran through), my mind was reeling. Then like after the perfect storm - my being was flooded with peace. The true answer came it rang with honesty, sincerity and love. That thing would be - HOPE.

Hope, not a tool for reversing pessimism nor the simple thought that things will work out. Hope, not a physical emotion but a spiritual grace (Grace is considered the fruit of redemption- God’s love in action towards those who merited the opposite of love). Hope being a combination of the desire for something and expectation of receiving it, the virtue is hoping for Divine union and so eternal happiness. Like all virtues, it arises from the will, not the passions.

Hope so feared by the Greek Gods that they locked it away in Pandora's box with all of the others evils! With humanity in totally disarray she opened the box and let all the evils out but one remained - HOPE. Which leads me to another conclusion and another grey area! Curiosity is not always bad either. Had Pandora not been insanely curious she would have never opened the box that the God's instructed her not to. For curiosity is what compelled her to see - what intriguing mysteries lie within. Lucky for her and me - HOPE was not an evil - it's a VIRTUE!

Prayers with questions and answers lead me to my meditation. It works! As I meditated I became distracted. I followed a guide into a dark hole - he had a light- but something didn't feel right. Remember Lagan told me several weeks ago to trust my intuition - did this feel right? NO. The Guide threw the light into the lake just as I was scurrying out. He wanted to electrocute me! That's not very nice. But I did get the symbolism. I wasn't grounded and was going to have to go into the lake. This of course made me remember my root chakra and I visualized roots running deep into the ground to give me strength and stability. Lagan came along with an apron full of lights (they kind of looked like flashlights!) He said, Vosotros sois la luz! My head started spinning because the only word I understood was luz which means light. (another story for another day but the person who gave me the light at day 30 of my journey in 08 was named Luz! - ironic? How about synchronicity!) So I said,Lagan could you please repeat the phrase in English. ( I spoke really slow like he was a foreigner ... c o u l d y o u..., no offense intended!)
He said, YOU ARE THE LIGHT! The message materialized as a series of images, first references to Greek mythology, Dante, William Blake all images of Heaven and Hell, and the middle place which Dante fashions after Catholicism - purgatory! My Grandmother went there, but I'm digressing aren't I?) hmmm... Hell? I'm supposed to go to Hell I whined. But, I've already been there! "You're not supposed to stay there Little One (that's what he calls me!), You're supposed to carry the light to the souls who want out!

So, this time instead of diving in with Lagan holding my hand - he told me to put the apron on and climb down the ladder that stood propped against the bank. I took several steps down and got off on a ledge - I was afraid! Okay, and I was being obstinate. This wasn't exactly the glamorous job I was hoping for! Really? Go into hell and bring out souls? That's frightening, I can't do that! However, today not doing soul work isn't an option for me it's a requirement. To say NO to such a purpose would spiral me back into the land of demons. Plus, Lagan said I didn't have to do it alone. Just like when I clawed my way back from the hell inside myself there were people along the way to give me a hand. In that fellowship I mentioned belonging too. So, I got a friend that I admire to help me with the lights.

Together, we put on aprons filled with "flash" lights and went down in to hell. It was dark in there and people were screaming and crying - it smelled really bad like urine and feces. Some people wanted lights, some people didn't! That kind of made me sad but I was afraid that if I didn't follow the directions I might get trapped in there. Many many souls took lights though and followed behind us as we trudged through the dark muddy tunnels. As we neared the entrance ladder our lights began to burn brighter. Up the ladder I climbed with the souls following behind me. My friend came up the ladder last - see guys can be helpful!

We all dropped on the shore in exhaustion. Someone build a beautiful fire and we sat to reflect, meditate and contemplate. The fire began to infuse the souls with hope and their faces began to take shape, there bodies began to materialize from wispy weak ghost like entities to human form and a light came on in there eyes - twinkles that glimmered like the fire sparks! Some of the "humans" fell back into the water, even a baby! It didn't feel like I was supposed to dive in though. But I sort of felt a twinge of insecurity. Those of use that remained on the shore gained enormous hope and talked of carrying the light to others. Good things is you too are the light, and we'll never be alone!

peace and blessings!

Meditating Under A Tree

The title of today's blog is not very catchy because nothing spectacular jumped out at me (haha) as I tried to recall the events of this mornings meditation. What did strike me as interesting though, as noted by the two pictures above, is that I did not know what a bodhi tree actually was nor did I know what it looked like. This morning as I went inward on my meditative journey I wanted to run down the path, not in search of the baskets with virtues or lessons, but rather to exhaust my physical self in hopes of being able to still my mind for a longer period of time. I called for Lagan - he's so wise, he said I had to sit under the tree and meditate. Arrrghhh...okay!!!!

I'm discovering what a visual creature I am. The tree had long spindly like arms, it's canopy gentle but strong spread out like a loving umbrella. The image that came into my mind was a Weeping Willow. A tree that at first appears dainty perhaps feminine. It is tall with graceful branches that seem to reach out gently and cradle the air around it. After investigation one finds that the Weeping Willow has strong deep roots that run down into the rich soil beneath and across the earth attaching themselves on even the strongest other foundations.

Today, I am beginning to reconsider yesterdays post about being tangled in roots. I wonder if the implication isn't that I am tangled in my own roots. When this thought first occurred to me my only reference was "family" roots but as I began to ponder a meditative journey utilizing Kundalini Yoga I surmissed that perhaps the roots are the root chakra. So, an inbalance of this chakra leads to insecurity very similar to an inbalance in family of origin. Sometimes it difficult for me to make the leap from educated intellectual to spiritual discipline. I've had enough pain in my life caused by my own short comings and meditation has been scientifically proven to enhance ones life so for today I'm going to purpose that my root chakra was out of line yesterday and leave it at that.

As for today, I felt accomplished when I was done meditating. As I write this blog many hours later I am still left with a feeling of peace and serenity.

Peace and blessings!

Staying in the Present Moment

There was a darkness inside of me today as I tried to meditate. I attempted to force light in but that didn't work. My efforts to bring colorful vistas into my meditation were also futile. But I did get once piece of wisdom as I sat in lotus - "if we wallow in the emotions of the past, we can not live in the present moment." Cool....thanks "Yodaish" guide. It wouldn't be accurate to say today's meditation was a struggle but to let it unfold in its own way seemed to be ...um...the dilemma. I wanted to run and skip along the dirt path that I have been on for the past two days...discover new virtues in the baskets along the way! But no! Today's journey was to reexamine the baskets from the past two days.

So, to recap here's what I found. On Friday I found a basket filled with patience. A virtue that is in opposition to anger. When one has patience one is not so reactive. This anger that rises up inside of me is troublesome. The Buddha said that "the greatest praxis is patience." Hm? So yes, I had to look up the meaning of this word PRAXIS. Praxis is the process by which a theory, lesson, or skill is enacted or practiced. It is a practical and applied knowledge to one's actions. So as I work on Character Development I am aware today that the opposite of Anger is Patience but also that tolerance and forbearance are also necessary components. And I thought I was just gonna skip down the dirt path to bliss! Evidently, this new journey is going to be more in depth that I had anticipated!