Root Chakra: Red in color, the grounding force that allows us to connect to the earth energies and empower our beings.
Vosotros sois la luz! Who me? A light, wanted a purpose, but that's not the one I really had in mind. Remember I'm pertinacious. Isn't that what someone called me yesterday? But to carry the light - really?
Yes I am still licking my wounded pride over being called pertinacious! But if I'm to believe in the meditative process, as I say I do, then there's "purpose" for every image, phrase, word and element involved in the process. An being pertinacious isn't always bad, there are no black and whites in my world today only shades of gray. Sometimes not taking no for an answer can be a good thing. Can't it? (hear the insecurity in my voice - I do not assume to know the answers today I can be just a wee bit humble as my way doesn't work!)
On this beautiful Sunday morning I awakened with the message "you have arrived at your station!" Now, I don't know about you but I totally did not appreciate this message! What do you mean I've arrived at my station? Does that mean this is all I'm ever going to see, do, feel , have,or believe? Ahhh, forgot one didn't I? Have I arrived at the station where my understanding stops? I hardly think so! I have pertinacity remember!
A high station in life is earned by the gallantry with which appalling experiences are survived with grace. by: Tennessee Williams
That's better. Give me a little grace I can handle anything if I do it with grace. Grace and a light! I'm ready! As I sat outside in the early morning light pondering the implication of having arrived at my station - a light came on in my head. (Yea,I know, it's about time!) Of course, the symbolism came first in the form of someone having installed a light in my dark hole (the one I fall in some days)a light bulb and pull chain. It even made a clicking noise when I pulled the imaginary chain in my head. Which means to me that I have a choice, either to live in the dark or turn on the light and that gives me enormous HOPE. I like that - a light in my dark hole of self absorption. Voila, what a genius idea, I wished I had thought of it myself! But the Spirit of the Universe has the master plans and I'm not allowed to peek for myself - only others!
Weeping while sitting outside in 20 degree weather onto the blanket of snow that lay at my feet was not a good idea though. At least not one I'd recommend. But for me today it was necessary. To shed tears for all I've loved and lost, for struggles and joy, for gratitude that today there is a light inside of me. As I was trying to stop the static noise that blocks my clarity a song popped into my head:
Borning Cry by: John Helgen
I was there to hear your borning cry,
I’ll be there when you are old.
I rejoiced the day you were baptized,
to see your life unfold.
I was there when you were but a child,
with a faith to suit you well;
In a blaze of light you wandered off
to find where demons dwell.
When you heard the wonder of the Word
I was there to cheer you on;
You were raised to praise the living Lord,
to whom you now belong.
If you find someone to share your time
and you join your hearts as one,
I’ll be there to make your verses rhyme
from dusk ’till rising sun.
In the middle ages of your life,
not too old, no longer young,
I’ll be there to guide you through the night,
complete what I’ve begun.
When the evening gently closes in,
and you shut your weary eyes,
I’ll be there as I have always been
with just one more surprise.
I was there to hear your borning cry,
I’ll be there when you are old.
I rejoiced the day you were baptized,
to see your life unfold.
It's beautiful - isn't it? And of course, this made me cry a little more. Especially this line - "I was there when you were but a child, with a faith to suit you well;In a blaze of light you wandered off to find where demons dwell." I've done that you know, it's the reason I meditate so I don't "wander off" again. Those demons are very appealing to me in an odd curious sense! The down side to my curiosity is that I have a fair amount of disrespect for others who are fascinated by the demons - so I entertain them alone. Alone in a room full of powerful demons is no place to be. They outnumber and overpower me until I remember to cry for help. The last time I did this - entertained the demons so to speak - it took 3 years of pain before I cried - "UNCLE"! You know, like what you said when you were younger and your big brother was beating you so badly that you had whelp marks on your neck and your hands were bleeding because he'd rubbed them into the carpeting and they were burned! I'd just yell UNCLE loud enough for Moma to hear and she'd make him stop. That's what I did when the demons got too bad, I remembered I didn't have to do it alone!
Okay, got off track but I was cold and had to come in the house to prepare for meditation. So I came in freshened my face and marched upstairs for an amazing meditative journey. This practice begins with prayer. It was suggested to me a number of years ago that I pray only for God's will as opposed to my own - because I abuse and misuse it when left to my own selfish devices. My prayers are addressed to Father God and Mother Earth or some variation of those images. Today I asked to be loving and giving, to be an open channel. The symbolism in channels for me is a channel runs in the middle, it picks up the reception clearly (like when the radio station is tuned in correctly there's good reception) in the channel I find the balance because I hear God's voice better.
What'd ya know -
FATHER GOD AND MOTHER EARTH ask me a question. Wow, really? I can't recall this ever happening. Chills ran from the top of my tingling head down my entire body and shot out the bottom of my feet. Here's what I heard: "If you could have only one thing in your life today that would give you all that you desire in your heart - what would that thing be?
Now, I don't know how you'd handle this but my mind began to click faster than the slot machines do when you hit jackpot! Turning, twisting, clicking, ticks, faster than the speed of sound - images with no three alike, perfect looks, lots of money, healthy well adjusted children, perfect relationships, material stuff (lots of that ran through), my mind was reeling. Then like after the perfect storm - my being was flooded with peace. The true answer came it rang with honesty, sincerity and love. That thing would be - HOPE.
Hope, not a tool for reversing pessimism nor the simple thought that things will work out. Hope, not a physical emotion but a spiritual grace (Grace is considered the fruit of redemption- God’s love in action towards those who merited the opposite of love). Hope being a combination of the desire for something and expectation of receiving it, the virtue is hoping for Divine union and so eternal happiness. Like all virtues, it arises from the will, not the passions.
Hope so feared by the Greek Gods that they locked it away in Pandora's box with all of the others evils! With humanity in totally disarray she opened the box and let all the evils out but one remained - HOPE. Which leads me to another conclusion and another grey area! Curiosity is not always bad either. Had Pandora not been insanely curious she would have never opened the box that the God's instructed her not to. For curiosity is what compelled her to see - what intriguing mysteries lie within. Lucky for her and me - HOPE was not an evil - it's a VIRTUE!
Prayers with questions and answers lead me to my meditation. It works! As I meditated I became distracted. I followed a guide into a dark hole - he had a light- but something didn't feel right. Remember Lagan told me several weeks ago to trust my intuition - did this feel right? NO. The Guide threw the light into the lake just as I was scurrying out. He wanted to electrocute me! That's not very nice. But I did get the symbolism. I wasn't grounded and was going to have to go into the lake. This of course made me remember my root chakra and I visualized roots running deep into the ground to give me strength and stability. Lagan came along with an apron full of lights (they kind of looked like flashlights!) He said, Vosotros sois la luz! My head started spinning because the only word I understood was luz which means light. (another story for another day but the person who gave me the light at day 30 of my journey in 08 was named Luz! - ironic? How about synchronicity!) So I said,Lagan could you please repeat the phrase in English. ( I spoke really slow like he was a foreigner ... c o u l d y o u..., no offense intended!)
He said, YOU ARE THE LIGHT! The message materialized as a series of images, first references to Greek mythology, Dante, William Blake all images of Heaven and Hell, and the middle place which Dante fashions after Catholicism - purgatory! My Grandmother went there, but I'm digressing aren't I?) hmmm... Hell? I'm supposed to go to Hell I whined. But, I've already been there! "You're not supposed to stay there Little One (that's what he calls me!), You're supposed to carry the light to the souls who want out!
So, this time instead of diving in with Lagan holding my hand - he told me to put the apron on and climb down the ladder that stood propped against the bank. I took several steps down and got off on a ledge - I was afraid! Okay, and I was being obstinate. This wasn't exactly the glamorous job I was hoping for! Really? Go into hell and bring out souls? That's frightening, I can't do that! However, today not doing soul work isn't an option for me it's a requirement. To say NO to such a purpose would spiral me back into the land of demons. Plus, Lagan said I didn't have to do it alone. Just like when I clawed my way back from the hell inside myself there were people along the way to give me a hand. In that fellowship I mentioned belonging too. So, I got a friend that I admire to help me with the lights.
Together, we put on aprons filled with "flash" lights and went down in to hell. It was dark in there and people were screaming and crying - it smelled really bad like urine and feces. Some people wanted lights, some people didn't! That kind of made me sad but I was afraid that if I didn't follow the directions I might get trapped in there. Many many souls took lights though and followed behind us as we trudged through the dark muddy tunnels. As we neared the entrance ladder our lights began to burn brighter. Up the ladder I climbed with the souls following behind me. My friend came up the ladder last - see guys can be helpful!
We all dropped on the shore in exhaustion. Someone build a beautiful fire and we sat to reflect, meditate and contemplate. The fire began to infuse the souls with hope and their faces began to take shape, there bodies began to materialize from wispy weak ghost like entities to human form and a light came on in there eyes - twinkles that glimmered like the fire sparks! Some of the "humans" fell back into the water, even a baby! It didn't feel like I was supposed to dive in though. But I sort of felt a twinge of insecurity. Those of use that remained on the shore gained enormous hope and talked of carrying the light to others. Good things is you too are the light, and we'll never be alone!
peace and blessings!
