Striving towards Wholeness...

A life is either all spiritual or not spiritual at all. No man can serve two masters. Your life is shaped by the end you live for. You are made in the image of what you desire. ~Thomas Merton

In my humanness I am broken, fearful and ridden with despair. Through much prayer and meditation it has come to my awareness that brokenness can become wholeness, fear can shift to faith and despair traverses the expanse to hope. The path seemed steep, rocky and extremely dangerous as I began to navigate mid-life. The thought that was most prevalent in my minds eye was "the unexamined life is not worth living." Of course, I must admit I had never been much of a deep thinker. My motto for the first half of my life must have surely been, "if it feels good, do it." Again, I must say, I had never actually contemplated this philosophy either! To say that mid-life has been an intense and violent struggle would be an understatement. Choosing life over death was the greatest obstacle. But a life full of strom and drung was not very appealing. I began to ask these questions -first to myself, then to the universe and slowly but surely to the God of my Understanding - "how do I have spiritual maturity and personal authority?"

About half way through my first year of this mid-life journey spiritual maturity and personal authority were the most appealing tangible concepts I could begin to wrap my thoughts around. There have been no sure fire answers, no truth written in stone (much to my chagrin!). Shades of grey still permeate much of my existence. Today, as opposed to years past I do possess a modicum of peace and serenity. Daily, I cultivate this place in my soul through prayer and meditation. That's what it became about at mid-life, no longer striving for selfish pleasures but rather for the Goodness of the Whole. Striving towards wholeness has given me a place and a purpose.

To say I have any answers would surely be folly on my part. To suggest that I KNOW anything would be ridiculous...for what has happened is one question has lead to the next and so on. There have been themes of investigation and understanding; from reading spiritual writers such as Thomas Merton to Anne Lamott, becoming a certified Meditation Instructor to working on becoming a Spiritual Director, from voice lessons to acting lessons - all the while pulling the thread tighter to become a synthesis of wholeness in body, mind and soul. It has become about thoughts and feelings, my experience, strength and hope of seeing the world through unveiled eyes.

Personal Authority has become about knowing what I believe and acting accordingly. Authority implies certainty and understanding. As opposed to compromising one's values just to please others. Sure I still care what others think a mighty plenty but with Spiritual Maturity that too has lessened. Once you say what you believe you cannot back down because it is not popular and of course, if you learn new information the best part of it all is that you can change your stance! Spiritual Maturity has sent me reeling ...looking for answers in every nook and cranny, under every rock and in so many venues that even the Tasmanian devil would become dizzy. Today is has become about obedience! Iiyiyi, oy vey!!! Obedience to the God of my Understanding instead of to my own hedonistic pleasures. I simply cried UNCLE...I give-my way no longer works and probably never did really "work".

Meditation gives me space. The much needed space to strive towards wholeness. Through a regular practice of twice daily I quiet my heart and mind. It's a time of no input from outside sources, no newspaper or television, no computer or cell phone. I just sit and listen. At first my head roars ...now this, now that, then this, then that...think, think, think...ahhh! My breathing become slow and methodical. Ideas spring forth from the valley of my soul...whispers and images float gently in...as I strive with grace towards a wholeness of goodness and mercy, my truest desires shape my life but without meditation - I could never have uncovered the truth of wanting a deeper purpose and more meaningful existence.

Follow Your Bliss

“When you follow your bliss… doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors, and where there wouldn’t be a door for anyone else.” – Joseph Campbell

At mid-life I began an intense search for wholeness - a synergy of body, mind and spirit. When I started this leg of my journey I was in full crisis mode. It was as if I'd been involved in a train wreck and I was the sole survivor. I crashed alright...straight onto the therapist couch, then the gym, an acting coach, modeling agent, P.I. license - and last but not least...rehab for alcoholism. The therapist said I was having a mid-life crisis and that I was trying to integrate the parts of my psyche that I had ignored earlier in life - check off the mind part of wholeness! Exercising was nice...that took care of the body wholeness...right? Spirit...hmmm...Joseph Campbell said," follow your bliss "so that's what the other activities were for - but I confused bliss for hedonism instead of what Mr. Campbell actually meant which was find that thing that makes you feel whole in body, mind and spirit.

Years ago, I discovered meditation - which I have explained in earlier blogs ( I didn't stick to a regular practice although I saw immediate benefits because I had zero self discipline in that area!). In crisis mode I needed a way to compose myself in thoughts and actions. The solution was not a simple fix of exercising, therapy, and sobriety but individually they did address the physical, mental and spiritual components of wholeness. What I needed was a more in depth solution - a way that encompassed all three at once. This is where meditation began to feel like the wholeness solution! So at mid-life I took up the daily practice of meditation. And in the words of the late Joseph Campbell I began to follow my bliss by energizing and relaxing my mind simultaneously - otherwise I could have never seen past the chaos in my monkey mind. Discovering what your bliss or potential is will change your life in a powerful way. It transforms everything from how you see yourself and the way you look at the world to what you believe is possible for you.


What I have learned so far in my meditative practice is that the two most important factors are to have a daily practice and to daily clarify my intent. Various studies show that meditating as little as 3 times per week for 10 minutes can change how you think and react to the world around you. Of course, the amount of time and practice needed depends on your own constitution - your own makeup of body, mind and spirit in conjunction with your own personal intent. Having a faith or belief of any kind is also very helpful but not absolutely necessary. Meditation techniques are found in all religions and spiritual traditions but it's up to you what faith factors you bring to your practice. Finding a teacher is extremely helpful but not absolutely necessary - I practiced for the first two years without a teacher but my practice depended when I was willing to listen to another...truly listen...actively with intent.

Meditation is about integrating active mind and quiet mind. Here we can develop a synergy between right brain and left brain thinking, wholeness in body, mind and spirit. Understanding what those three parts really are is an ongoing process - something that I cultivate on a daily basis. Spirit in many cultures is equal to breathe and breathe is life - my spirit is that which alivens me. Whether it's that spark of imagination that has me jump out of bed in the morning and run to my meditation room or that amazing feeling of compassion when I work with others my spirit is what gives me my true purpose or BLISS! If you too are guilty of hedonism (like I am!) then you may just stop at spiritual bliss and forget about mind and body...but that's not true bliss. The mind is said to be the seat of soul...(you mean it's not in my chest with my physical heart? - a personal myth I debunked at mid-life!!), where the mind goes the body will follow -“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” (Gautama Buddha 500 BC). Thus leading me to my conclusion - meditation in essence is about mind fitness. And if I can benefit from meditation - anyone can benefit from it!

Here's a basic meditation to energize and focus your mind:

Find a timer like a stop watch, egg timer, etc. Set the time for 11 minutes. Sit comfortably, preferably in a place with minimum distractions. Your pose can be just a simple seated pose, lotus position or just sit on a chair....Get comfortable!

Begin by saying to yourself the intent of this exercise..."I am sitting here because I want to energize and focus my mind." Take ten slow deep breaths only focusing on how it feels to inhale through your nostrils and exhale slowly through your mouth. As you do so you will begin to feel more and more relaxed. After you've completed 10 breaths go inside and mentally say to yourself....relax...relax.

Your mind will start to ping pong around from one thought to the next - just let it run but do not follow it. Eventually it will tire and the thoughts will come more slowly. When you need to regroup just focus on the inhalation and exhalation of the breath. Again and again you can bring yourself back to the breath..whenever you want to or choose to.

Your timer will sound. Slowly bring yourself back to full consciousness and open your eyes. Make sure to stretch your arms and legs before standing.

You should feel as though you've just awakened from an afternoon nap. Refreshed and energized. The benefits of meditation are not what happens in moments that you are sitting still...the benefits resonate in a sort of residual effect.

Blessings.