“One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter.” ~ James Earl Jones
Some days as I sit and try to write...no words come out - at least not any that would make sense to those reading this blog. So after becoming frustrated - physically, mentally and emotionally...I slam the laptop closed and walk away. A very wise person once told me that one doesn't write because they want to say something, but rather they write because they have something to say! I feel like I have an awful lot to say - but as James Earl Jones so eloquently said, "...having words in your heart that you can't utter." Well, that's how I feel most days.
Basically, the reason I started meditating years ago was a constant and pervading feeling of utter frustration and angst... there are a few other extenuating circumstances (you know things like menopause!). Meditation takes me to a a place inside of me where I find love,comfort, support and guidance. There's no one there to speak harshly to me, or to judge me, no one cares what I wear or how I sound...just how I love and share the virtues that we've all been given. Some have called me a Mystic (as one who has direct communion with God) ...others say I'm Psyhcic (because I sometimes see things in past, present and future tense) - but I don't like labels much...so I'll just say - I'm just me struggling through life like many others - wondering what all this brokenness is really for.
I have read way too much philosophy (enough to make a sane person go stark raving mad). More physics than my brain can comprehend (okay I get hadrons and quarks...Oh, and black holes) - I find Metaphysics much closer to truth and can read it with ease. I have studied religion, psychology, mythology and parapsychology - they each helped me to put the pieces of my puzzle (my understanding) together. All to arrive at the conclusion that life is about the brokenness and how we handle it. Life isn't perfect...not mine...not yours...not any one's. And when you judge how you feel by how someone appears...you're not dealing with reality. For most, it seems the broken road is just "water off a ducks back." They don't ask too many questions, they believe what they are told, they follow the broken road where it leads them. Some of those people are even my friends...and I love them for being so obedient to the powers that be...however, I can assure you no one has even used obedient in a sentence with my name!
When you spend your life being rebellious - it comes with consequences. Sometimes very painful ones. What I have learned at mid life is life probably is more dualistic than not. It's about balance between our human nature and our spiritual nature...somewhere in the middle is called being centered! Having your head and heart in synch requires enormous discipline. That there are as many paths or "broken roads" as their are people - and our job is to help one another along the way. I know beyond a reasonable doubt that consciousness survives death. And God does bless the broken road - all you have to do is ask!
