"People let me tell you 'bout my best friend,
He's a warm hearted person who'll love me till the end.
People let me tell you bout my best friend,
He's a one boy cuddly toy, my up, my down, my pride and joy.
People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun
Whether we're talkin' man to man or whether we're talking son to son.
Cause he's my best friend. Yes he's my best friend."
This is the tune that rolled out of my soul as I was coming to full consciousness after this mornings meditation. Do I know what it means? Uh, NO. Do you? I have pondered the lyrics to no resolve. As a young girl the characters and their dynamics fascinated me - but nothing pings as to why this particular tune would pop up. I have asked for guidance - haven't heard back yet! I will enlighten you as soon as I am enlightened!
Whew, okay, 72 hours of nicotine withdrawal - how long is this going to last? My mind is pinging - ah brilliant idea, ZEN Master would say, "be the ping pong ball". Aw, ouch, ooh, flippers slammed me into the bell again and again! ha..just kidding! On a serious note the withdrawal intensity seems to be diminishing somewhat. My desire to smoke is 98.5% gone. I put up no smoking signs in my usual "light up" places. Catching deep breaths is nice. However, I do not believe any of this would be possible were I not meditating.
The stillness that comes in those fleeting moments - washes my soul. There's a clarity and cleanness that stays with me all day. If one were observing my behavior from the outside you would call it "biting my tongue" - maybe. That's the kind of thing it looks like. I think in time and after the nicotine is gone from my system - the "moods" won't seem so jerky. There's about a 70% mindfulness rate - presently! Mindfulness - thinking about what I say before I say it. (Yea, got that message earlier on this month..."Think before you speak"). This one saves me many moments of shame, doubt, guilt, remorse, and stress. It is becoming unnecessary to be right and more important to be at peace. Don't get me wrong - I still have an enormous - EGO -I,I, I, but it's different today. I can turn it over in my mind and let it go. Looking for my place and my purpose is so much more fun than thinking of myself and what I want.
This journey for the past five years has had many facets. It started by my fixing my outside - body, I lost fifty pounds, got an agent and realized that was just a sliver of the pie. Then I got off mind and mood altering substances (except cigarettes), my mind began to clear. Now the spiritual aspects is waxing and waning. It seems to be the most elusive. The one you can't chase. It's kind of like trying to chase a butterfly - as soon as you reach for it - it flits away. Instead, I am contend today to just sit and watch the beautiful butterfly flit and flutter its way around the flowers.
Remember today, to let life unfold like a flower. Water it, nourish it, give it sunlight and it will grow.
Peace
