
“But behavior in the human being is sometimes a defense, a way of concealing motives and thoughts, as language can be a way of hiding your thoughts and preventing communication.” ~ Abraham Maslow
Websters defines motive as a stimulus to action. Intent is the state of mind with which an act is done. It was with pure motives and intent that I took a vacation this past week to visit my family in Florida. There was no hidden agenda just a desire to spend time with relatives and conduct a few meditation sessions. Since arriving at my destination this past Monday I have ridden a roller coaster through various emotions; my pride and ego tried to take charge so I became irritable, restless and discontent. I strive so diligently to be a spiritual being that I am often taken aback when life doesn't go along the spiritual plane in which I strive to set myself on. It is then that I realize full force - it's life on life's terms and I'm not in charge. With my imaginary seat belt fastened tight...I hold on and try to enjoy the journey sometimes with little success.
After a week of struggling to find my center I found a moment of peace this morning while meditating in a beautiful garden - the picture is posted above. What I realized is I came to Florida chasing a spiritual experience. Often when in the company of my family the energy catapults me to a place of bliss. Families however good intentioned they are can also drag our character defectiveness out in full force. My way of dealing with these defects - a quick fix. For many years I self medicated as a solution. Today, there are healthier solutions available! But, I'm still human and my vanity often gets me into the most uncomfortable situations. What helped me through this week were the tools in my spiritual toolbox: meditation, slogans - this too shall pass, it's only a moment; sharing with mentors spiritual values of faith and hope, letting go and letting my higher power guide me. Spiritual maturity and personal authority are relatively new ideas for me so I do not go down without a violent struggle, in the end - the universe envelopes me in its loving womb and I emerge whole.
I use meditation as a way of communicating with my higher power - it's healthy and the benefits are infinite. However, I often use meditation as a way to chase spiritual experiences - not good. For years I did the same meditation on a daily basis chasing the same results. What I realized this morning was each experience is different and unique in its own right. Even if one practices the same meditation - it's a new day, each life experience brings growth so each meditative state is different and yet the peaceful feeling is somewhat the same. Peace and bliss are temporary states even if one lives a monastic life secluded from the hustle and bustle of society. For me, wanting the monastic life was just a fix as opposed to a calling. My motives and intents often fall short because I can convince myself of anything! Spiritual tools are wonderful assets because they can not function in a vacuum.
The meditation I used today was "Getting in touch" by Genevieve Paulson, found in her book "Meditation as Spiritual Practice",page 187. The purpose of this particular meditation is to get in touch with your spirit guides. This meditation took me out of the insanity in my own mind and put me on a plane where I could listen to the wisdom of the universe. Here are the steps I used in the meditation:
1. Seated comfortably with my eyes closed I went through the relaxation technique of following my breath in and out until I felt the physcial distractions melt away.
2. With an open mind and an open heart I began to let the images and sounds flow - at first the incoming information was like a runaway train - scenes speeding past as just blurs, then as my devotional chakra (in the center of the back of the head) became fully opened the plane I was on was calming and informative. I asked the guides for specific clarity on the past weeks events in respect to my motives and intents for my trip; what blocked my peace, what part my vanity and pride played in the issues and how I could be at peace today.
3. The information I received is what I used to write this blog. When in a calm meditative state it is easier to receive and recall information.
As Dr. Maslow so astutely points out behavior can conceal our true motives and intents. What I realized today is I was chasing the spiritual experience I found while visiting here this past December. It was the beginning of this blog - which started "the path to character development in the valley of my soul." Character development is a life long endeavor and for me character doesn't develop without trial and error. If I trust the process even the roller coaster ride of emotions can bring growth and it takes others to point out the flaws in my motives and intents!