Listen to your own Self. If you listen to that Self within, then you find the Truth.
Satguru Kabir (1440-1518)
56 days and still meditating! Welcome to my daily blog. The experiences have been vast and varied. Each day is a new adventure. Often times I begin my daily journey with prayer and a specific kriya. Today's kriya was for the essence of self. The essence of self...I have given much thought to this concept today. What is essence? What is self? Philosophy defines essence as the inward quality. To break down illusion and touch the real nature of self is what this particular kriya is designed to do. Did it work? I'm not sure how to answer that. It worked in that it made me feel a sense of accomplishment. There was one odd thing that happened as I did the specific meditation for this kriya. The essence of self meditation instructs one to put your hands over your heart. My heart began to ache - I mean hurt, it was painful! I had the feeling that perhaps my heart chakra was opening in a powerful way. As I read about this particular meditation during the day I was certainly pleased to find that this kriya and meditation are designed to open the heart so that you can give and receive love without fear, anger or resentments. This state of compassion is the essence of self. If this particular practice didn't work to keep me calm and composed today then the next meditation I practiced certainly did!
Yes, I meditated two different times today. Acceptance and serenity were calling for me but I was leaning towards stress and self destruction in the form of negative self talk. So, about two hours after the meditation for essence of self, I sat back down in the meditation room and here's what I experienced:
I was struggling, struggling to breath, struggling to relax, struggling to continue. Keeping myself still was horribly difficult as I kept feeling like I was short circuiting. It felt like little wires in my brain had been doused with water and they'd zap and pop. My emotions were rolling from peace to anger, from resentments to fear. But I sat...and sat some more in the meditation room with my eyes closed in easy pose with my hands in gian mudra.
I cried cathartic tears it was difficult to stay focused but I did it. I went into the lake with Lagan. On the shore afterwards, he told me to peel off the layers of me that were of others. It was so cool to see in my minds eye and I unzipped this thin opaque coating and slipped out of it. Then he and I walked on the path. He said that there are two virtues I am lacking - emotional stability and hope. Hope? I feel like I have lots of that, isn't that what rainbows are for? I see a rainbow almost everyday on the path. Hm..here we go again with the questions. It's okay, I'm learning. Emotional stability? You won't get any argument from me there. However I would like to note that I have gained much emotional stability today.
Today, in the meditation room, I found peace. After 56 days I am still meditating and blogging, and it's a fabulous journey into the valley of my soul!
