Grumble...Grumble...struggle...whine...argghh...consciouness....ah, gratitude! I woke up today and stumbled downstairs to sip coffee and get into the Hot tub in hopes of awakening my senses! It has been twenty four hours since my last cigarette, I'm doing okay, (I dug a hole in my wannabe Zen Garden yesterday, and buried all the cigarette butts I could find!-it was a small intimate funeral, in case you're wondering, and I wore a simple black dress...okay so, I'm getting off track!).
In the quiet darkness of early morning I found my way into the Meditation room. After prayer and a Kriya I meditated for about 30 minutes. Did I gain clarity? I don't think so. Did it make me calmer? I'm pretty sure it did. Do I feel better right now? Probably, but what I seem to be doing is trying to rewire something that has gotten tangled in my brain. I feel like the day outside looks - gray, misty, cold, heavy, and sleepy. But I'm rolling from giving up to perservering...not a sudden snatch from one mood to the other. The mood seems to pretty be stable - "Blah!". The snatching seems to be in my thought processes. I read about nicotine withdrawal...dang, it's depressing! But in twenty one days - we'll see what I have to say. When I'm healthier...smoke free...and food taste better!
Yesterday, my Doctor said I should write a book. I liked that encouragement. Something to dream about...yesterday funny thing is...I dumped all my dreams out into the orange basket so that I could start new ones. Ones based in reality! Lagan mentioned again today that I should change my perspective. That's interesting! It definetly gives me compassion...and an abundance of laughter. You try seeing the world from your pets eyes...you'll either laugh hysterically or feel enormous compassion - perhaps even both!
Peace and blessings
