"Use what talent you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best. " ~ Henry Van Dyke
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I have been silent long enough to find my center - again. Don't get me wrong - I've been talking and listening to others in volumes. The silence I'm talking about came as a result of the constant roaring in my soul while my son battled bone cancer. I didn't want to hear that part of myself (my God consciousness) for a while. I was afraid. I am still afraid but I am pushing through it. My son has his 90 day scans tomorrow; I want the scans to show no evidence of disease. What I've managed to do after almost 6 months of internal silence is open up and let God take over. If I were to personify God I'd say she's been smiling all along waiting for me to get back to this place of "turning it over." What had to happen was I had to get enough pain through fear to rage again and then sit silently as the tide of emotions shifted.
As I sat grumbling in meditation this morning, telling God how I didn't want to listen because I was too afraid that I wouldn't hear what I wanted to - there was an evolution in my soul. I began to listen more deeply than ever before. There were no barriers, nothing veiled, just a pure openness to the powers that be. I let go. And so be it, I have enough faith to sustain me no matter what the outcome of the test are, no matter what obstacles life places in my path.
