There can be no transforming of darkness into light and of apathy into movement without emotion. Carl G. Jung
Transformation does not happen in my world by osmosis. Change only comes when I become aware of the need for it, or when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change. As I struggle to reach higher peaks in my world - balance, stability, and a host of other virtues, I realize that at times I become tired and just want to be. The problem is that when you are hanging on the side of a cliff, you can rest for a moment but then you have to keep climbing.
Today, in my meditation I realized that I wanted to move out of the valley. I've been in this valley for awhile now - waiting for enlightenment. The kind of enlightenment that I desire isn't going to come through meditation, it's going to come when I climb the next mountain. The valley, my meditation, serve a primary purpose in my life; to calm me down enough to listen to my own intuition and to allow me to listen to my Higher Power and others. Do I want to trust my own intuition? Not always. Do I trust my Higher Power? I'm pretty sure I do. Can I trust others? It depends on who they are and what there motives are. Am I prepared to be there judge? Ah...and I have arrived at the source of my recent discontent.
I have been striving for perfection! Running so hard from who and what I fundamentally am that I can never reach the goal I have set for myself. I was trying to rid myself entirely of all things I deem character defective. You laugh! I never said I came by answers very easily or quickly! I learned today - that there is a place for judgement. The capacity to assess situations or circumstances shrewdly and to draw sound conclusions is a very valid skill. But I'm been thinking of judgement only in thinking about what's in a persons heart. As in judging if someone is good or bad. It's not up to me to judge that. It is however my responsibity to assess situations and make choices based on my decisions. That's why I have an intuition and a Higher Power, and if neither of those work...I can ask someone whose opinion I do trust.
It's probably as much a matter of semantics as anything else. But I tend to get stuck in a linear mode of thinking and today I have rested. Tomorrow I will pull myself up one more notch on the rope of life. I need to see over that mountain!
Peace
