What is inner peace?
The Taoist answer is : Self Acceptance
Inner Peace can be as simple as letting go, and resting under the shade of an old tree.
The path taken to find inner peace is as hard or simple as a person makes the journey of self acceptance to be.
A Taoist will embrace inner peace by always taking the moment to be present in their life.
1. Taoism...as in the path or way – the journey to being.
2. Self Acceptance is defined as affirmation or acceptance of self in spite of weaknesses or deficiencies.
3. Inner peace – that calm and serene feeling one hopes to have in their soul.
The reason I asked this question...is that I am always asking questions. I am always listening for answers. The endless stream of questioning at times is maddening. Followed by my heretofore pattern of discounting the answers that I receive. As a young girl my favorite grandfather had a nickname for me – he called me, “Uh uh”. For every question that I asked of him and for every answer that he gave me, my constant reply was “uh uh”. There seemed to be no exact answers to the real questions I was asking.
Today, as I sat on the back deck, which I like to think of as the window of my subconscious – the tiny frail voice came to me...”Little One what is a listener? “ My answer was, “a listener is someone who listens because they have nothing to say...someone who listens while others espouse their voluminous opinions about life. Because there are no ultimate truths...only opinions based on our own personal experiences and thus our understanding of them. Or it could be that I am an airhead and listen because I have no words of my own.” But as I contemplated this answer I was enlightened. Perhaps I am a listener because I absorb the pain of others through listening. Or maybe even I listen but become agitated not because I have so much to say in response but because I do have one answer that seems to be the only time I brook no dissuasion – for I have but one truth in my being today and that is - there is life after death.
I can not tell you that I am a great theologian nor can I say that I have studied any religion in depth. My experiences are numerable and for the most part solitary. They are vast, vivid and enlightening. It has taken years to gain this self acceptance . When I started on this leg of my journey I was loud and boisterous – outside looking in I appeared to have possibly snapped – my mind and body no longer connected. I raced around voraciously reading and philosophy, mythology, psychological theories, and listened repeatedly to studies on the History of God. It was if I were trying to devour all the knowledge I could find to disprove my experiences...I was looking for a psychiatric diagnosis – schizophrenia was my top choice. But nothing fit! When I began to meditate in the spring of 2005 my mind began to stop spinning out of control. I drank heavily at night so that I could sleep ... a type of self medication I'd relied heavily upon as a young girl. Today, after nine months of continued sobriety I have stumbled upon a slice of inner peace.
For in my drinking and the ensuing shame and guilt – I begged the God of my understanding to take my life! After almost three years of this incessant plea – I finally decided to admit defeat and surrender to the fact that no amount of self medicating could erase my experiences and I was never without a mustard seed of hope. So I asked for help with my drinking and began on yet another journey – the journey into wholeness as a part of humanity. A human being full of flaws...and full of an abundance of true stories that outshine any story of fiction that I could ever hope to imagine!
Though I am humble enough to be able to say, I am a lousy writer...and not very entertaining story teller...I am brave enough to try and share my experiences with you. For with that courage I hope to share a slice of my idea of life with you in order that you may someday find your way out of the darkness and into the light. Albert Einstein once said, “The most beautiful emotion we can experience is the mystical. It is the sower of all true art and science. He to who this emotion is a stanger ...is as good as dead. To know that what is impenetrable to us really exists, manifesting itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty, which our dull faculties can comprehend only in their most primitive forms – this knowledge, this feeling, is at the center of true religiousness. In this sense, and in this sense only, I belong to the ranks of devoutly religious men.” Thus, I will be upfront and tell you, I am not very religious although I have regularly attended church since the day I was born! If I had to label myself I'd say I was a Baptist Buddhist!
Wow those seem to be labels at opposite ends of the religious spectrum – don't they ? So let me clarify that for you. I am Baptist because I was raised Baptist. I was baptized at age 8 because with that particular mind set – I chose the way of my Granny who had married a Baptist Minister when I was three. I followed my Baptist upbringing into adult life and with it came my million and one questions of how can you be sure of the virgin birth, how do you know God will come again, don't you realize the bible is a set of laws and stories written for the time that they were written in? And obviously a point counter point for every other major theory one could ever rationalize or justify! And only one I could answer and not very thoroughly – there is an afterlife.
Which brings me to Buddhism. Why that? Because I could understand it. The words and philosophies did not seem convoluted. The Buddha was a privileged boy who grew up and saw suffering, aging and death as necessary parts of life. It spoke to me in a way that Christianity never had. To meditate and rid ones self of wanting...worked for me. But the great question of Nirvana as opposed to the cycle of rebirth?...Quite honestly that too is appealing! Not because I think I have the corner market on suffering...most of my suffering comes from between my ears! I might even want to come back and get another shot at this thing called life...but what for? It is as simply as I wish I had the discipline to become a Buddhist Monk. To renounce all materialism which a Christian Minster would be thought insane to do...to stop wanting and grasping...and to just exist and be ...here – present – alive...is truly what my heart desires!
So in 2005 as I violently struggled – I took it upon myself to take the two religions and walk hand in hand with them! I have no great understanding of either religion...but to embrace them both gives me great comfort and freedom. I am following a tradition for my family...and I am experimenting with Buddhism because I gain enlightenment!
