Earlier today I began another frantic search for the set of keys I lost last week. We won't get in to that right now! My search began with looking in all of the rational logical places one would expect to find lost keys...on a shelf, in pants pockets, behind the washer, tucked under the couch cushions and even in the garbage...eeeww!! Then, the progression of my insanity began to take over...my search became one of digging in the bottom of the dog food container, in the lining of the mattress, digging into a planter to see if I'd buried them and scrounging through my toolbox!? Much to my disappointment...the keys are no where to be found.
However, as I crouched in the garage rummaging through my toolbox...yes it's mine and it's not pink. It's filled with real tools like various hammers, an assortment of screwdrivers (you know big ones, little ones, yellow ones, straight ones and star ones), drills and bits, clamps, clips, wrenches (with more names than a con man uses to hide money in an offshore account), there are screws and nails...and a million and one things in there that I don't know the name or word for. But it dawned on me as I sat on garage floor looking at the very disorganized toolbox that although I don't know the name or word for half of those tools...I do intuitively know how to use each and every one of them at a moments notice....aaahh revelation!
I intuitively know how to use them! You see this is a startling revelation because I deem myself to be the most horribly inarticulate person in the entire universe. So much so that I often make fun of myself as not knowing what my first language is...it certainly can't be English! This thing of not knowing words or how to use them...eats me alive with vile jealousy and insane envy...(are you starting to get the picture about the lost keys?) So much negative emotion becomes tied up in disliking others who garner the attention of certain people in my life with their superfluous vocabulary...that I do harm to myself ...and inadvertently others. Anyways I'm getting a little off track, but my point is that although I don't have a vast vocabulary nor have I done a Doctoral dissertation on ANY SUBJECT!!...I do intuitively know things beyond my wildest imagination...I know people, their emotions, motives, I sense things on such an uncanny level that it scares the bejeepers of out me! You see, I don't trust myself...I don't trust my voice...and my Granny had this theory that God gave me a gift..."my voice"...and that if I didn't learn to use it...I'd lose it! Well you know...she was right...I did lose my voice...but I found it today in my toolbox!
What I found crouching over that toolbox was that although I don't have words...I have feelings...senses if you will! Senses that run much deeper than the five you're thinking of! Yeah baby...we're talking about 6 senses...not five! I have lived in that black hole in outer space long enough...I have been disconnected and disassociated until I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Today in my toolbox I found unconditional love for myself and others, I am working on becoming humble (this one mainly because that little voice kept roaring in my soul...those who don't become humble will be humiliated!!!), an abundance of gratitude, joy, happiness, kindness, compassion, empathy! Today, in my toolbox...I found just a little piece of myself...and if the tale about striking oil - you know one tap and then it gushes uncontrollably- is true...then I chinked a little light into my soul today...and now there's a ray beaming so brightly that no one and no thing can dim!!! Too bad I can't find my keys ...but maybe that's not what MY GIFT is for!!!
"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift. And the rational mind is a faithful servant.We have created a society that honours the servant And has forgotten the gift." —Albert Einstein
